Honest to God, when it rains it pours.
The big U called last night. If that ain't a bad omen, what is? We didn't really talk. I called him back to acknowledge the call, he was very sleepy and said he'd call today. It's good he hasn't. I got an upsetting (but not unforeseen) phonecall, and he would have been on the receiving end of a lot of anger and frustration. He would have had to withstand prior misdeeds shaken vigorously, reheated, and shoved down his throat.
Here's today's mantra (thank you Meera, for coming to my rescue with mantras, brownies and Monty Python DVDs):
I am not unworthy. His loss. His loss. His loss. I am not deformed or deficient.
I am, however, a tad on the destroyed side.
I read or heard somewhere that for every negative thought you have about yourself it takes 19 positive thoughts to kick it out of your psyche. I believe that, even though I wish I could just decide that positive thoughts have a higher weight in this little brain of mine. Wouldn't it be loverly if you could just decide things like that? Anyway, I really believe that right now, and the negatives are running rampant as a herd of wildebeests. I don't say this so that you much loved readers will organize a cheer-off. I say that because it is the state of the jobiv nation.
More than anything, I'm frustrated that any one human being can have this much power over me. How can one person's words sit on my ribcage like this and press until I believe the worst nightmares of my self?
I have learned an interesting little fact today, despite the turmoil. My left eye produces more tears than my right. Now I know.
Also, I was brilliant as a freshman in college, when I made a mixed tape (remember tapes?) called "Songs for a Slightly Thoughtful Pity Party." Talk about vision!
1 comment:
I believe, although I cannot prove it, that JoJo gets more shit than a kind, loving, hilarious, talented (and odd) person such as herself deserves.
...and that one day, she will have her revenge!
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