JoBiv's got da funk.

I'm in a funk. Thus the title.

I got an email from Shane T. Colligan two nights ago. This is extremely weird for two reasons, the foremost being that he is dead. Also, I had been talking about him with Tina, my nextdoor neighbor from Victor whose boyfriend has cancer. We were talking about readying oneself for death, as though that's even possible. She asked me, "How did you get over Shane?"

Christ. I didn't.

And then the email came. I've gotten emails before from addresses I might trust. They'd be from Simmons or Cornell or St. Bona's. Sometimes I'd even recognize the name, although that person was never in my address book - a professor or underclassman. But the email was a decoy. It always had an attachment and no message and the subject line said something like, "Re: your document." I don't get boring emails like that.

I guess it was just chance that sent me a virusy email from Shane's address. I stared first, stunned. I opened it to see that there was no message. I didn't open the attached document. I deleted it.

It's funny, though, how for one second my heart raced and I thought, "Maybe it's something he sent way back and his email sucked and it only now reached me." That was a ridiculous thought, like email works like a message in a bottle or something. I thought, "Maybe his Dad finally figured out how to access his email account and sent out an email to everyone in his address list, just to say hi or to send a picture." Not bloody likely. And saddest of all, I thought, "Maybe it's him. He's alive. He's somewhere. He wants to tell me. He wants to tell me..."