Friday, April 08, 2005

They're baaack...

The panic attacks are back.

I shouldn't say it like that. I shouldn't allow them to set up camp. I had two yesterday, that's all. Maybe those are the only two I'll ever have for the rest of my life.

But as is the nature of panic, I can only think that my entire life is unraveling and there are only more and more attacks in my future and they will all occur in the most public and humiliating circumstances and I'll probably get fired from nannying and never see Pea again and I won't be able to leave my apartment for weeks and DEFINITELY won't make phone calls and all the whole world will drift away from my grasp forever and ever and I'll never get it back.

I need help. I need some fucking help and fucking MassHealth isn't fucking helping me.

Today I will believe that I will somehow magically get to Dover NH unharmed, will perform well there, some healing will magically take place, and my throat won't close up on me entirely. I will breathe, and therefore live.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

JoJo - You are going to sing beautifully because your voice is fabulous and wonderful and you are a performer and I'm going to be pissed because, once again, I have missed an opportunity to hear you sing.

And I would have even brought dollar bills to slip into those sexy shoes of yours.