With a capital K

Just had my evaluative appt. for this MassHealth thinger, and I had another epiphany. No kiddin'.

First of all, I'm crazy. But make that Krazy, with a capital K. (This is more effective when said aloud.) I'm actually kind of comfortable with this now.

Second, I realized that I put myself into sink-or-swim situations as a survival tactic. I've been doing this since at LEAST High School. I basically throw myself into too many things at once, to max capacity, and it forces me to fight for every moment. All of my big life moves - to college, to Oxford, to Ireland, to Ithaca, and especially to Boston - come from that same urgency. When my life slows and gets all drippy around the edges, I just belly-flop into something else that's terrifying and overwhelming, and for some reason a switch flicks over and I become this JoBiv character whom you all met back in the day. I am energetic, talkative, friendly, miraculously organized (and I should say, comparatively organized), and completely capable for those first months of adapting to the strange new surroundings.

At some point that frantic energy wears off and I'm stuck with myself again. The same issues, the same roadblocks, the same drippyness... it has to come back. It always does. It's a lot more dramatic than I'd like to admit.

And yes, I know that the capable JoBiv is a facet of the rest of me. She's always there, somewhere.