Trying, but not impossible

Thursdays are long days with the Lil Pea. I have to get here early because the Baby Daddy has an 8am meeting every Thursday. Unless, like today, he was on call the night before, in which case I still have to get here early so the Baby Mama can get to her office by 8am.

Because he's on call, he will stumble into the apartment at about 11 or 12 and poke around very tiredly until he finally decides to have a go at a nap. At this point, I take the baby out for a long walk, allowing him to really sleep without any distraction.

Also, every other Thursday, a woman comes to clean the place. On days like today, I pray she comes before Baby Daddy comes home, although this isn't always the case. At any rate, it is not fun to try to feed the baby, dress the baby, play with the baby, put the baby down for a nap when there is a little Honduran lady smashing her vacuum into walls and moving, magically, into the room you were hoping to use for the next little ritual in the baby's day.

This is one of those Thursdays. Cleaning lady, Daddy post-call, early morning...

Add to that the following complications:

Baby Daddy and Mama haven't gone out on a date in a loooong time. I informed them last week that I was, indeed, free this evening to babysit so they can go catch a play they've been wanting to see. So today I'll work from 7:30 to 4:30, get some dinner, wander back here by about six, and stay until eleven or so. And, of course, return tomorrow morning at 8am.

JoBiv will need her wits about her for such a feat! Cue the pandemonium!

Last night, ten minutes to midnight, I got a phone call. I was trying to convince myself that I was sleeping, so I didn't answer, but my heart pounds for a good ten minutes when the phone rings while I'm in this fake-sleep phase.

It was the Big U. I couldn't hear what he was saying on the machine, but we have been making plans for this weekend and I assumed it had something to do with that. Of course, my obsessive brain wouldn't leave it at that, and I wondered whether I should get up and listen to the message for the next five hours straight.

Five a.m., the phone again, heart pounds... This time I heard Heather moving around and realized that it's her cab. She's headed to CA for a week and had an early flight. ThuTHUNK ThuTHUNK ThuTHUNK...

After hitting the snooze eleven times, I finally got up, showered, turned on the Weather Channel, and remembered the phone message.

"Hey Jo, it's Ulysses, it's like, almost midnight on Wednesday night aaaand IIII'm Drunk. And so I was calling you while I'm drunk, but don't call me back or anything because I might not be drunk by then and it wouldn't be any fun. So. Goodnight."

Ookay.

Meanwhile, the Weather Channel informed me that my day would be HELL, rainy and cloudy and awful, thus keeping Lil Pea and Nanny indoors while coordinating the three-ring circus of Daddy post-call, cleaning lady, and Lil Pea's normal day.

Off to work... I arrive to baby Mama's quick updates: The Pea was sick yesterday (my day off) with a fever of 103. She threw up the liquid Motrin, so they're giving her suppositories. The suppositories melted in the heat, so they now make their home in the freezer. And just in case you're wondering, I can't WAIT to shove an ice cube up the baby's butt. That should be a ball.

Do you think this day is even possible for a sane person, much less your favorite JoBiv? Sick baby plus post-call Thursday plus evening sitting plus NO sleep plus rain... That's not a recipe for disaster. I should be fiiiiiiine...

And I meant to mention...

I got an email from DannyPants today. He's in Wy-not-oming, planning to find a ukelele so he can imitate Tiny Tim and play "Tiptoe Through the Tetons"(his joke, not mine). He and Ren will be back for a short while the last week of July. Y'know, when the whole world converges on me and I have no time of my own. Good timing, Ugly.

Looking forward to:

1. Knowing where the hell I'm moving by the end of this week
2. Miss Sarah's arrival in Beantown
3. Miss Meera's fabulous wedding
4. Sinstitutin'
5. Tina visiting that Sunday
6. Possible pay raise due to Baby Mama's promotion

Yet more communal finger-crossings needed

It's funny, during the winter I look out on the gray world and think of all the things I'll do in the spring and summer when it's nice out. And then here are the sunny days, and they're so busy that I find myself daydreaming of fat snowflakes gathering to mute this noisy city.

My life has gotten busy.

Most of my busy-ness comes from the apartment search. I've seen four places so far, one rejected me, one I rejected, two I'm waiting on. I have two to see tonight, two this weekend, and I hope I'll be done by then. So far I haven't found the perfect mix of dream apartment and perfect roommates.

Also today, I have a gig in Waltham with Arnie, this saxophonist who intimidates me named Doug, and a bassist who makes Arnie (the sweetest, most docile man in the world) curse like a trucker. And I have to arrive at Arnie's house in Belmont at 2pm or he may completely lose it. God, I hope he's not high this time.

Tomorrow night - Providence with MeeraLove! I've had plenty of notice and therefore hope to be less than maniacal in the car. I also have a few of my hoarded panic pills left. Just in case.

And the Lil Pea decided she needs to grow some new teeth this week. And whine about it. She's such a big baby. Guh. She's lucky I'm in love with her, or I don't know how I would have the energy or patience for these hot, whiny days.

(I was talking about MY whining that time.)

At the end of the day! (Ptooey!)

Yesterday was crazy busy and somehow survivable, not to mention mostly warm and fuzzy. The choir concert came off with all the right drama, and Lil Pea and the Baby Mama showed. I had a ball showing her off.

And then, wonder of wonders, Baby Mama offered us a ride to Allston so we could catch Sus on her Whirlwind Tour.

It was so frickin good to see her.

This whole entry sounds like code but I don't have time to write anything worthwhile. Just thought I'd update. Blue skies peeking through the clouds, etc.

Dealing

...with the following:

1. Dan and gf just took off on a 2-month long RV trip during which they will not visit me. (Yes, they will visit Tom in Cleveland.)

2. Need to move. Need first/last/security. Can't afford real summer sandals above the caliber of Old Navy flipflops.

3. The Intake lady at the mental health center said something like, "It looks like I can't fit you into MY schedule. Let me see if this other therapist can handle the issues you need to deal with."

4. Deep embarrassment due to the manuscript I sent to the BPL contest. DEEP, pervading, soul-squishing embarrassment.

5. General disappointment in my friendship Skillz.

6. No computer. No internet. No time to tell you all these things, or to respond to emails, or to find apartments, or to find directions to places I need to go, or to do anything useful to a girl who fears and loathes the phone.

7. Summer weather means wearing less clothing. Less clothing means baring things I don't want to show, slumping my way past the dozen or so contractors working on the house near Lil Pea's place, praying they don't look, don't say anything.

8. Singing... choir is ending tomorrow. Arnie is not dependable. Refer to #6 before you tell me to find something else.

9. Family. Good god I'm not even going to write any of it. I could puke. I could cry.

I'm just gonna go.

Congrats to Jane Whatsherface!

I didn't get it. Jane did.

Book the Third, in which JoBiv expresses herself through song

Whilst painting two little boxes today, I put on some music in my mad cool, but sadly aging, stereo boom boxy thingama.

I can't really explain all the crap that's in my head. More than that, I really don't want to. I'm pretty sure I'll be ashamed of myself as soon as I say any of it, and therefore prefer to keep my mouth, and I guess my blog, shut.

Back to the living/dining/guest room/library/den, where I am painting, my whole body curled in over the tiny details. Even though I have my CDs shuffling at random after each song, two James songs come on in a row. They are two songs that ring in my ears when I feel like this, so it's funny that they came on like that. I've cut out all superfluous matter in these songs to share the two useful sections.

"These wounds
Are all self-imposed.
Life's no
Disaster."

"Don't need a shrink but an excorcist.
Stop stop talking 'bout who's to blame
When all that counts is how to change."

See why I enjoy James? I mean, besides that recorded-in-an-Australian-canyon sound. That's hot.

Anyway, I meant to say that I enjoy James because they kick my ass once in a while. Thank you, James, may I have another.