The question of the night: Why do I ever talk to my parents?
This is what happened. The H-bomb needed an ingredient for her famous Pumpkin Pudding.
I asked, because I'm a culinary expert on Saturdays at around 6pm, "What is the ingredient? I might just have it already."
H-bomb replied, "Pumpkin pie spice."
I sez, "Um... really?"
She showed me the recipe. Sure enough, it read "pumpkin pie spice." I thought that was a little silly, and being an expert (sometimes), I thought to myself, "I bet it's actually allspice, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg."
And being a know-it-all, I made a BIG MISTAKE. I called Them. YOU know who... M&P. The Parents.
Phew... they didn't answer. I left a voicemail. "Hey Mom n' Pop, do you happen to know the spices for pumpkin pie? My guess is allspice, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg. Lemme know. Bye."
The bastards called me back.
Now usually I screen my calls, much to the annoyance of my friends. Tonight, hoping I'd spare aforementioned friends some annoyance, I picked up. It was my Dad.
The important points of the entire painful phone experience are thus:
1. I was right, those are the spices in pumpkin pie, however you can buy them in the form of Pumpkin Pie Spice, all in one go. Clever.
2. My parents are "there for me" if I have a mental breakdown from my current jobless status and not-so-subtley hinted that I should move home if I can't handle things on my own, which is to say, "We knew you couldn't handle it on your own."
3. My mother badgered me into releasing the following top secret information: I don't have health insurance (what did they think?), I broke up with my therapist (I didn't tell her that it was because she kept telling me my dad is an alcoholic) and I am no longer on the very helpful drugs as a result. Whew.
4. During conversation number 3, I located my lingering stash of Ativan and let one dissolve beneath my tongue while my mother reminded me that if I would only get pregnant and move home she'd love to take care of me...
FIE ON THEE, PUMPKIN PIE SPICE!! FIE, I say!
And, to all of my patient friends, I'm not answering the g-damn phone EVOR AGAIN.
5 comments:
Dude.
To quote Walter and Perry on Item Three (except for the alcoholic therapist stuff):
Me too! Me too!
And I just learned about pumpkin pie spice two weeks ago. Whoda guessed?
FYI: If a strange spaceman overturned an apple cart on you, Jo, I'd keep you company.
I feel like pumpkin pie spice is like chili powder. And it's kind of like how my mom makes homemade salsa and then puts some store-bought stuff in there for "texture."
Anyway, I just wanted to comment on a few days ago, when no one but li'l ol' me knew about Elizabeth and Nora's site. I don't want to brag, but this might be the first time EVOR that I was in the loop before anyone else. I think I just thought that if I knew about it, everyone else probably knew about it months before me. Anyway, let's start bugging JLiz to post more often with more photos. And just for kicks, look back at the Nora's New Digs picture. Doesn't she kind of look like the muppet Zoe, in an adorable, cute, random kind of way??
Correction: ginger, not cloves.
And Sarah, would you have a sleepover with me under the apple cart?
YAY for Sus bein' in know! Whoohoo n' stuff. And yes, the wee one looks very muppety (and dayum cute). It's the fuzz, I think.
Yes, Jo, if it would make you feel better.
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